My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
