a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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