Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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