He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
should my penis look like a turkey
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
