It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
