who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
