So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
