This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
