When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.