no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
