Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.