We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
