im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to