He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
