dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Omg I joined a choir last night...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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