I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
