Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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