Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
