If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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