in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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