bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
