Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
