i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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