I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
