it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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