Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
