I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
