I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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