No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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