My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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