i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
