Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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