two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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