I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
