can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
