I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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