she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
