i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
