Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
