Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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