she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
