I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
