I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
