I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Found your dick twin last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
