No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
