A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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