my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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