Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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