come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
