Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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