I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
