you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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