3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
