pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
