Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
