Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
