Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize