i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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