are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
