I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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