Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
