Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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