btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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