my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
