Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
