I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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