How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
