i think my tv is drunk
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
