Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
