I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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