My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
