I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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