I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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