i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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