We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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