I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
