do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
