So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
