So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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