I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
