We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
