I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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